Number 20: Infiniti.

If you’re wondering how bad owning an Infiniti is, if you were stupid enough to purchase an Infiniti QX70 S Auto 3.0 diesel SUV in 2014 - early $90,000s on the road, you’ll trade it in today for about $27,000.

Call it two-thirds of the capital investment up in smoke in four years.

Number 19: Citroen. Gorgeous design. Average reliability at best. Crap support, historically, although a new distributor might put a dent in that over time. But virtually zero sales - they don’t even manage to sell 50 Citroens a month.

Number 18: MINI. I know. I watched The Italian Job, too - both versions. I get it. But the novelty is going to wear off.

Some poor bastard paid about $65,000 for the shitbox convertible MINI roadster John Cooper Works auto in 2014 and trades it in today for early $20s.

Number 17: Volvo. Don’t waste my time. Volvo is nowhere, commercially. It’s a joke. Styling is great; they drive OK, too. But reliability and support in Australia is shit.

But resale is where Volvo really is number one in number twos. Imagine being the poor sap who bought the MY15 flagship XC60 T6 R-Design.

More than $80k on the road back then down to about $30k for a trade-in today.

Number 16: Jaguar. In ‘Straya, reliability and support are crap - that’s the price of admission. Sales have plummeted since 2016, and resale is a disaster. But aside from that, great idea.

Number 15: Land Rover. It’s everything I said about Jaguar, with added off-road capability. You do not need a Land Rover in your life.

Number 14 - another joke brand: Peugeot. Sales, nowhere. Reliability, nowhere. Support, nowhere. Resale, nowhere. Beautiful styling, though. The fantasy that gets people across the line is: European quality. A step up.

Let’s do two for one now: 12 and 13 - Nissan and Renault. When these companies merged, it was a bad deal for Nissan and a good deal for Renault. But, inevitably, Renault ‘tech’ metastasized into Nissan’s lineup. That was bad. Then the GFC hit, and Nissan suffered irreversible brain damage. And then there’s Nissan’s appalling Jatco CVT transmissions, which are the least reliable in the universe.

Number 11: Mercedes-Benz.Unfortunately, Mercedes-Benz is the worst premium carmaker for customer support. They are the Antichrist at this. This company seems to think Australian Consumer Law is optional, or negotiable. Something those dicks are above.

They are complete arseholes when you have a problem, and they will fight you every inch of the way - to the point of exhaustion.

My strong advice is: Buy a BMW or a Lexus.

Let’s do a mass extinction now: 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10: Everything from Fiat Chrysler. That means Alfa Romeo, Fiat, Chrysler, Jeep and Dodge. This company has the worst combination of poor reliability and shit support. They are truly terrible.

Jeep - the biggest of Fiat Chrysler’s crap brands - managed to inflict more than 30,000 of its shitheaps on unsuspecting ‘Strayans in 2014. But word quickly got around.

They sold only about 8000 in 2017. That has to be commercially unsustainable.

Another mass extinction now: Numbers 3, 4 and 5: Volkswagen, and related shitbox brands Audi and Skoda. This is the company decided it was OK to kill thousands of people prematurely by cheating emissions regulations in a massive, global criminal conspiracy.

It is completely immoral and unimaginably wicked for a carmaker to do this. This was not an accident. It was a calculated criminal conspiracy.

Number two: Ford. Ford is in the worst shape of all time. Globally they are looking to cut $11 billion (US dollars) from the salary budget and more than $20 billion in total from operating costs.

Markets like ours don’t make Ford any money. There are going to be major cuts.

Ford’s engineering is reprehensibly bad, and the company also seems to take delight in not only breaching its consumer law obligations, but (reprehensibly enough) bending you over and profiteering from you, when you are up against it with one of their shit cars.

The number one brand that you should not buy, is Holden. Holden is on the fast track to failure. Poor quality, shit products, terrible support. It’s the unholy trinity of dice rolling with every purchase.

But what really does it for me, with Holden, is trust. You cannot trust Holden. In 2012, Holden accepted a $275 million taxpayer-funded government rescue package. A parachute, stuffed with your money.

They promised to invest $1bn in Australian manufacturing, to keep Australian manufacturing alive for at least a decade.

The next year, they announced the closure of the factory. They kept the money. They didn’t make the investment.

In January 2017 Holden quietly sent $150 million back to Detroit - as part of a bullshit balance sheet restructuring. Kinda says it all right there, don’t you think, about Holden’s purported commitment to Australia? Doing business with Holden is like joining Hannibal Lecter for dinner.

Comments

    • J 4 the K
      J 4 the K

      Great F n stuff man🤙

      about 18 hours ago
    • John Thomas
      John Thomas

      The cars today still run on gas and oil . Really when the gov . Had anti
      Gravity in the 1950’s they got that information from the NAZI’s.

      about 1 day ago
    • John Thomas
      John Thomas

      Did you see the anti gravity car on the internet at a car show in South America ( Columbia)

      about 1 day ago
    • Charles Harding
      Charles Harding

      "Doing business with Holden (GM) is like having dinner with Hannibal Lecter." Lol!!!

      about 2 days ago
    • giannos askim
      giannos askim

      Buy Lexus OR BMW?? ...BMW???? Reallly? Bmw's are good only when they go down under...

      about 3 days ago
    • Bill Dickson
      Bill Dickson

      Crikey, after that assassination, I think I might invest in a new tool chest, a mace timing chain kit and a rebuild. That is dang scary John, thanks for sharing your knowledge and opinions.


      Cheers from Bill

      about 3 days ago
    • Bill Dickson
      Bill Dickson

      Wow !!!

      about 3 days ago
    • Bev Cliffe
      Bev Cliffe

      Informative, thanks 👍✌️

      about 3 days ago
    • Andrew Hoffman
      Andrew Hoffman

      Gonya Mate. I bought an XV Sport 2018. Apart from a rock thrown up by a truck chipping paint off a door day 2 of ownership- it’s absolutely bonza unlike auto spellcheck.

      about 3 days ago
    • A Mazon
      A Mazon

      Thia guy is a typical Aussie idiot

      about 4 days ago
    • Richard
      Richard

      Own a 330. Had it for 2 yrs not a problem! Just 1 service travelled 30,000 Kim's, original brakes and tyres! Get 620 kms per tank city cycle! Pretty happy so far!

      about 4 days ago
    • rizzle razzleuno
      rizzle razzleuno

      Most cars are better built than any that were made 20 or more years ago; safer, more fuel efficient, far less pollution, less excess weight due to over styling, better tires, etc..............BUT, it appears that the complexity of new cars and attempts to be both safe and fuel efficient as well as keep the cost down is resulting in some of the problems. I think this blanket approach to saying all the cars from certain manufactures are no good is not correct. There are many owners of each of these makes that John does not like who have had good service from the vehicles and do not agree with John. Anyway, sounds like we should only own some Japanese or Korean names. Part of John's complaint may be the issues with parts and service in Australia, or even where the cars are built, so the problems he encounters may be different in other countries. Anyway, fun to listen to his rant.

      about 4 days ago
    • Jackandmel
      Jackandmel

      Australia’s version of Scotty Kilmer

      about 5 days ago
    • giannos askim
      giannos askim In reply to Jackandmel

      Better

      about 3 days ago
    • Hector Heath
      Hector Heath

      So what car do you drive ?

      about 5 days ago
    • serverlan 7
      serverlan 7

      Well looked after 4-5 year old second hand BMW's are a good way to go. The 1st owner loses more than 50% of the purchase price and you end up with a bargain, especially if you can buy one with around 70,000 km in good shape

      about 5 days ago
    • Specialized 29er
      Specialized 29er

      Congratulations on the fat loss and love the non tie scruffy look.

      about 6 days ago
    • WICKEDLEE LOOPY
      WICKEDLEE LOOPY

      I'm just going to stick with the 5 Magor Japanese brands I think ....

      about 6 days ago
    • Panagiotis Papadimitriou
      Panagiotis Papadimitriou

      Happy with my citroen somewhere in Europe.

      about 7 days ago
    • Alyssha Kerslake
      Alyssha Kerslake

      Has a hard on for Subaru and Hyundai but quickly forgets about the boxer engines issues especially with the cylinder heads and the Hyundai past and terrible resale and I mean fucking terrible not to mention there known turbo issues they won't address....but keep pumping them

      about 7 days ago
    • Fidel
      Fidel

      BMW = Big Money Waster! :)

      about 8 days ago
    • mins-BOY
      mins-BOY

      BMW should have been on this is list, they make terrible cars and the maintenance is worse than merc benz

      about 8 days ago
    • Alex imd
      Alex imd

      I understand vw dieselgate. But the rest of automakers. If you are not caught means that you are an honest businessman!!! Isn't it?

      about 8 days ago
    • Bernie DIAPER SANDERS Lukso
      Bernie DIAPER SANDERS Lukso

      This guy is not a car expert. He is just a fucking whiner.

      about 9 days ago
    • jandj Godwin
      jandj Godwin

      So for mainstream car buyer, one must choose shitty boring Hondas,Hyundais,Kias,Mistubishis, and Subarus..all boring shits.
      I drive a Ford, which U suggested as worst,but I some of their cars are really good, like Fiesta and Focus, agreed rest are still not holding well, but these 2 cars are amazing, and I am speaking of the non DCT models, the good old manuals, any day better than shittu i20s,Pintacos,Polos, etc.

      about 9 days ago
    • Anthony Lightbody
      Anthony Lightbody

      wife owns a new jag ...loves it! customer service is amazing , ...im about to buy my third ranger ,,the best 4x4 I've ever owned ...(had 4 hilux's ) also great customer service from Ford and good resale I'm not sure where all the hate is coming from , my son owns a new kia sportage , door locks break, dints very easily ,expensive to service , chewed rear tyres ... but they rate high , think brown paper bags swapped hands !

      about 9 days ago
    • mediastarguest
      mediastarguest

      2007 / 2008 Peugeot 308 petrol engine. Worst car I have ever driven let alone owned. Only thing I haven't replaced is the stearing wheel. AVOID this car like the plague.

      about 10 days ago
    • Christopher Harlow
      Christopher Harlow

      Mate, VW cheated with the cars they shipped here in the UK too

      about 10 days ago
    • shane Mason
      shane Mason

      so true

      about 11 days ago
    • Bobby Ling
      Bobby Ling

      X5 or Cayenne now I am confused.

      about 11 days ago
    • John Holtmann
      John Holtmann

      Don’t buy the made up numbers generated by the self promoting academics about diesel deaths and health costs. Ask them for names of those who died or became ill. I suspect they profited from the plaintiff lawyers who collected millions in fees. Mark Twain said it well: there are three types of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics.

      about 11 days ago